My Yuuzhan Vong Shots
by sudooku
Summary: Here I will publish my poetry/paraphrases and parodies of existing songs or just oneshot texts about the Yuuzhan Vong, as it crosses my mind while reading the "New Jedi Order" novel series currently or other sources or just at my own whims.
1. There Is A Ship On Helska IV

Hi,

This ballade of mine is about the Praetorite Vong's special agent Yomin Carr and Danni Quee, the leader of the astronomic ExGal4 project on Belkadan, as being written about by R.A Salvatore in "Vector Prime", the first volume of "The New Jedi Order" novel series, published in 1999.

My text is based on the traditional American folk song "The House Of The Rising Sun", sung also in 1964 by The Animals.

 **There is a ship at Helska IV**

There is a ship at Helska IV  
A ship of the Yuuzhan Vong  
It'll be the ruins of many a poor boy  
And gods I know I'm one

My mother was a warrior  
Just once she came to see me  
Before our ship did leave the void  
Way down this new galaxy

As special agent I was sent out  
To spy at Belkadan  
ExGal4 project to save our plans  
Before they all were undone

I eyed on ExGal4's leader  
A girl called Danni Quee  
So blond and sweet and witted  
And still not ripe for me

To save her I demanded  
Respect for Danny Quee  
My boss did accept and I did leave  
To get ready my Dweebits.

There is the house of ExGal4  
The house of the setting sun  
Danni Quee she loved this sunset so much  
When it was still orange and fun

I duly free my Dweebits sat  
To produce their poison, so mean  
When Danni in awe watched now her sunset  
It turned a venomous green.

I helped her to make the old Space Caster fly  
Away from that hell doomed by me  
I waved behind her to say goodbye  
Before killing all her colleagues

Two Jedi came by to face me  
I unleashed on them all my wrath  
The red haired one still granted to me  
The honor of a warrior's death

Oh Danni Quee, we'll never meet  
Again at the worldship not far  
But Yun-Txiin and Yun-Q'aah will know at least  
By the sunset green on Belkadan

Yeah, there is a ship on Helska IV  
A ship of the Yuuzhan Vong  
For Yomin Carr they won't wait anymore  
Before their own doom will come


	2. My Name is Nom Anor!

And this songfic is especially for dear Nom Anor - featuring "My name is ..." from 1999, sung by Eminem to whom of course all rights of this song do belong.

Is it just mere coincidence, that in the very same year "Vector Prime" by R. A. Salvatore was published? So let's celebrate the 20th anniversary of both!

* * *

 **My name is ... Nom Anor!**

Hi! My name's Pedric Cuf (Who?)  
My name is... Yu'shaa (What?)  
My name is... Nom Anor!

Hi! My name's Pedric Cuf (Who?)  
My name is... Yu'shaa (What?)  
My name is... Nom Anor!

Hi! My name's Pedric Cuf (Who?)  
My name is... Yu'shaa (What?)  
My name is... Nom Anor!

Excuse me!  
Can I have the attention of the class for one second?

Hi, kids! Do you like violence? (Yeah-yeah-yeah!)  
Wanna see my Plaeryn Bol spit at a twitch of my eyelid? (Uh-huh!)  
Wanna copy me and do exactly like I did? (Yeah yeah!)  
Try 'kid and get kriffed up worse than my life is? (Huh?)

My shaping teacher wanted to flunk me in junior high  
Thanks a lot, next semester, I'll be fifty-five  
I smacked him in his face with a thud bug  
Chased him with a Yorik-et*, blorashing* his nuts into a stack (Ow-w-w-w!)

At Tatooine in Chalmun's club, had my Ooglith zipped up  
Became the bartender, chased all the droids asunder  
Extragalactic I am, slicing through dewback traffic jam  
In a Tsik Vai*, while they're screamin' at me, ("Let's just be friends!")

You know I did conquer star by star - So here I stand  
For my screaming fans letting them kiss my hand. (Ahh! Ahhhhh!)  
This guy at Ord Cantrell asked for my help (Dude, can I get your help?)  
So I signed it: 'Dear Xandie, thanks for the support, brenzlit!'

Hi! My name's Pedric Cuf (Who?)  
My name is... Yu'shaa (What?)  
My name is... Nom Anor! ...

(Three more times)

My brain's dead weight, I'm tryin to get my head straight  
Just musing if Mara or Leia with Coomb spores to contaminate (Umm...)  
And Vergere said, "Nom Anor you're a basehead!"  
Uh-uh! "Then why's your face so odd? Man, you wasted!"

At Rhommamool I fell off with my A-Wing on my ass  
Faster than the Falcon, which went down too fast  
C'mere Solo! (Nommie, wait a minute, that's my ship, Phahg!)  
I don't give a kriff, Gods sent me to piss that galaxy off!

Well, since age twelve, I've felt like I'm someone else  
'Cause with more than an Ooglith I clad my original self  
After Ebaq 9 where all my plans did crash  
I replaced Viqi Shesh by Niiriit Esh.

Ninety-nine percent of my life I was lied to  
I've found out, my gods weren't but fluff galore (Damn!)  
Still I came here to be their Executor  
Stirring all up to surpass each, spilling some gore (Oh, thank you!)

Hi! My name's Pedric Cuf (Who?)  
My name is... Yu'shaa (What?)  
My name is... Nom Anor! ...

(Three more times)

Stop Dark Tide! This guy needs to be locked away! (Get him!)  
Mara Jade, don't just stand there, operate!  
I'm not ready to leave, it's too scary to die (Khapet!)  
I'll have to stay on this citadel ship to be buried alive (Huh, yup!)

Am I comin' or goin'? I can barely decide  
I just drank a fifth of Kri'gee; dare me to fly? (Guvvuk!)  
All my life I was very deprived  
I ain't had a woman in years - now my palm is too scarred to hide (Whoops!)

Ooglith ripped off like the Incredible Hulk (Hahh-too)  
Prepping my Plaeryn Bol to spit on naughty folk (C'mere)  
Like when I was little, used to get so hungry that I would throw fists in my crèche.  
So angry like the worlds here that I did smash! (Waah, wahh!)

I lay awake and strap myself in the bed  
Put on a blasterproof Ooglith and shoot myself in the head (T'uq!)  
You deem me dead? (Arrhh!) Tell Shimrra's by his eyes so red (Yeah?)  
That on his Hau polyp throne I sat, in this dream I had.

Hi! My name's Pedric Cuf (Who?)  
My name is... Yu'shaa (What?)  
My name is... Nom Anor! ...

(Three more times)

* * *

Author's notes:

*Yorik-et: Coral skipper, Starfighter of the Yuuzhan Vong

*blorashing: verb derived from Blorash, a jelly used by the Yuuzhan Vong to immobilize enemies by gluing their feet and other body parts together or to the ground

*Tsik Vai: Living air speeder of the Yuuzhan Vong


	3. Nom Anor - Tired about Technology

And also this songfic is especially for dear Nom Anor - featuring "Ayo Technology ..." from 2007, sung by 50 Cent with Justin Timberlake to whom all rights of this version of the song do belong.

This songfic is also a tribute of mine to R.A. Salvatore's novel "Vector Prime" from 1999. Is it just mere coincidence, that in the very same year, when the original version of "Ayo Technology", sung by Milow, was released, "Vector Prime" by R. A. Salvatore was published? So let's celebrate the 20th anniversary of both!

* * *

 **Nom Anor - Tired About Technology**

Someone special, unforgettable  
Executor, Instigator  
Traitor  
Nom Anor

They, they, want it, he want to give it to them  
He know's that, he's right here for them  
He wants to, see it breaking down  
He's plottin', throwin' preaches around

He works it dude, on Rhommamool  
He's scheming out, to take his toll  
He's fine as hell, spreading uproar  
He's doing his thing to get even more

Much droids droids he's wrecking wrecking,  
Look at the way he's shakin' shakin'  
Make you want to thrash it, make you want to smash it  
Have you lustin' for damage, go crazy face it

Now don't stop, get it, get it  
The way he's preachin' makes you to go for it  
Soon he'll drop all of it  
Got your head kriffed up from the way he did it

He's so much more than you're used to  
He just knows how to move to seduce you  
He's gonna touch the right spot use the right hack  
Coaxing his pawns into an attack

He's fully prepared, when Leia approaches him  
for peace, Nom Anor is scoffing and scolding  
his billowing cape wrapped around jet-black suit  
his smirk at the shivering princess so mute.

Baby this's a new age, you like my new craze  
Let's get together maybe we can start a new phase  
Rhommamool you're all too hazy, but I'll do you justice baby  
Why not attack Osarian?, you got Nom saying

Ayo, I'm tired riding technology  
Why don't I sit in a skip instead  
Ayo, I'm tired of droid technology  
Just scrap them all in front of me

Ooh, he wants it, uh uh, he wants it  
Ooh, he wants it, uh uh (so), I got to give it to him  
Ooh, he wants it, uh uh, he wants it  
Ooh, he wants it, uh uh (so), I got to give it to him

His wits, his eyes, he got me hypnotized, let me tell you  
His wits, his eyes, he got me hypnotized, let me tell you  
His wits, his eyes, he got me hypnotized, let me tell you  
His wits, his eyes, he got me hypnotized, let me tell you

Some officials murdered on Rhommamool  
And Nom Anor's plan is getting unfold  
Make it rain some rockets on Osa-Prime  
Ackdool's _Mediator_ won't be prepped for in time.

In Nom's fantasy, there's plain to see  
Just how it could be, when he breaks free,  
In an A-Wing hidden in a rocket's shell  
For deceiving Commander Ackdool quite well

When he's ready to strike, his target so near  
And Nom Anor says "Ackdool, I'm here"  
from a Villip in a capsule ahead  
of the A-Wing, where Nom Anor sat

Looking at Osarian,  
where missiles are going down.  
Headhunters Z 95  
engaging Ackdool in fight

 _Mediator's_ tractor beam  
is pulling the capsule in  
And Nom Anor's villip says:  
"BOOM!"

The capsule 's exploding  
the A-Wing breaks free  
The _Mediator_ 's mess  
is Nom Anor's glee.

Baby this's a new age, you like my new craze  
Let's get together maybe we can start a new phase  
Rhommamool was all too hazy, now I'll find a new place baby  
I'll crack this whole galaxy!, you got Nom saying

Ayo, I'm tired riding technology  
Why don't I sit in a skip instead  
Ayo, I'm tired of droid technology  
Just scrap them all in front of me.

Ooh, he wants it, uh uh, he wants it  
Ooh, he wants it, uh uh (so), I got to give it to him  
Ooh, he wants it, uh uh, he wants it  
Ooh, he wants it, uh uh (so), I got to give it to him

His wits, his eyes, he got me hypnotized, let me tell you  
His wits, his eyes, he got me hypnotized, let me tell you  
His wits, his eyes, he got me hypnotized, let me tell youu  
His wits, his eyes, he got me hypnotized, let me tell you

* * *

Author's note: Rhommamool and Osarian are twin-planets. The two events in this song, Nom Anor's meeting with Leia und the meeting with commander Ackdool inclusive the bombardment of Osa-Prime and blowing up Ackdool's _Mediator_ is all from "Vector Prime" by R.A. Salvatore, the first volume of "New Jedi Order".


	4. Lah Lah Lah, Tsavong

Hi,

This parody song is for the fierce Warmaster of the Yuuzhan Vong, Tsavong Lah, free after the song S & M by Rihanna from 2010.

Lah Lah Lah, Tsavong  
Lah Lah Lah, Tsavong  
Lah Lah Lah, Lah Lah, Tsavong  
Lah Lah Lah, Tsavong, Tsavong, Tsavong

Lah Lah Lah Lah, Tsavong  
Lah Lah Lah, Tsavong  
Lah Lah Lah, Lah Lah, Tsavong  
Lah Lah Lah, Tsavong, Tsavong, Tsavong,  
Lah Lah Lah Lah

Feels so good being bad  
There's no way he's turning back  
pain for him is for pleasure  
'Cause nothing can measure

Yanskac crabs are so fine  
with their long dorsal spines  
stinging and spilling venom  
in Tsavong's flesh to whet his appetite even more

'Cause he may be bad but he's perfectly good at it  
Blood haze in the air, he doesn't care, loves the smell of it  
Sticks and stones may break his bones  
But the embrace of pain excites him

Hunting down all the Jeedai is one of his passions  
The twins Jacen and Jaina – a prize beyond measure  
Even when Jacen Solo makes him lose his foot  
A Vu'asa claw will soon replace it

Lah Lah Lah Tsavong, Tsavong, Tsavong  
he likes it, likes it, Tsavong, Tsavong, Tsavong  
he likes it, likes it, Tsavong, Tsavong, Tsavong  
he likes it, likes it, Tsavong, Tsavong, Tsavong  
He likes it, likes it

War for him is great and fine  
Out the box, out of line  
The affliction of the battles  
leaves him wanting more

'Cause he may be bad but he's perfectly good at it  
Blood haze in the air, he doesn't care, loves the smell of it  
Sticks and stones may break his bones  
But the embrace of pain excites him

Lah Lah Lah Tsavong, Tsavong, Tsavong  
he likes it, likes it, Tsavong, Tsavong, Tsavong  
he likes it, likes it, Tsavong, Tsavong, Tsavong  
he likes it, likes it, Tsavong, Tsavong, Tsavong  
He likes it, likes it

Slaying throughout this galaxy's space  
All for Yun-Yammkas's grace

Oh he loves the feeling the war gives to him  
Oh, it turns him on

It's exactly what he'd been yearning for  
Give it to him strong  
Sitting in the cognition throne  
Make his body say ah, ah, ah  
he likes it, likes it

'Cause he may be bad but he's perfectly good at it  
Blood haze in the air, he doesn't care, loves the smell of it  
Sticks and stones may break his bones,  
But the embrace of pain excites him

He wouldn't attack without his gods approval  
Sending his men into fight, no matter how many will fall  
Sacrificing his arm to win Yun-Yammka's charm  
Albeit the new Radank claw will bug him

Lah Lah Lah Tsavong, Tsavong, Tsavong  
he likes it, likes it, Tsavong, Tsavong, Tsavong  
he likes it, likes it, Tsavong, Tsavong, Tsavong  
he likes it, likes it, Tsavong, Tsavong, Tsavong  
He likes it, likes it

Slaying throughout this galaxy's space  
All for Yun-Yammkas's grace  
He has no qualms if right or wrong  
It's all for the glory of the Yuuzhan Vong


	5. Yammosk Language

Hi,

This is a song about the Yammosk, the octopus-like War Coordinator of the Yuuzhan Vong – freely after "Body Language" by Queen from 1982.

 **Yammosk Language**

Give me  
body  
give me  
your thoughts  
Give me  
your mind

Don't talk, Don't talk, don't talk  
don't talk, Baby don't talk

Yammosk language  
Yammosk language

Yammosk language

Give me  
your body  
and give me  
your mind  
Give me  
just everything

Don't talk

Yammosk language  
Yammosk language  
Yammosk languaaaaaage

You and your Yorik-et*  
are more than meets the eye  
united  
just listen, feel, obey

You are the cutest flight asses ever seen  
Knocking the X-Wings down anytime  
anytime

Turn at me,  
and I'll give you Yammosk language  
Lean on me,  
and I'll give you Yammosk language,  
Obey me,  
and I'll give you Yammosk language  
Give into me,  
and I'll give you Yammosk language  
Yammosk language, Yammosk language,

Yeah

Guiding  
aligning,  
Combining  
Coordinating

Iiiii want you completely!

Til victory!

Yammosk language  
Yammosk language  
Yammosk language  
Yammosk language

Yammosk language  
Yammosk language  
Yammosk language  
Yammosk language

* * *

*A Yorik-et is a coral skipper, the Yuuzhan Vong equivalent of an X-Wing or other small fighting vessel


	6. Embrace Of Pain

This is a parody on Vergere holding some Jedi in the grip of the so called Embrace of Pain, the living apparatus the Yuuzhan Vong use for torture and pleasure likewise. The original song is "Love Game" from Lady Gaga, released in 2008

 **Embrace Of Pain**

This Embrace of Pain may feel sick  
Be ready to endure a nasty crick  
your bones will make some noisy snick  
but soon you'll learn to get a real kick

Yes I could free you  
But if I do then we'll be lost both,  
It's complicated and stupid  
Got my mind squeezed between two faiths  
Because their gods are strict and severe  
also with me - Vergere

Hear me and trust me  
No, never trust me for a minute  
At least this should be enough to know 'about me by now

This Embrace of Pain may feel sick  
Be ready to endure a nasty crick  
your bones will make some noisy snick  
but soon you'll learn to get a real kick

Let's play a pain game, play a pain game  
Do you want freedom, or you want to  
become insane - Dans le pain game

Let's play a pain game, play a pain game  
Do you want freedom, or you want to  
become insane - Dans le pain game

I'm on a mission  
and it involves some heavy touching, yeah  
you've indicated your interest  
I'm educated in the Force, yes  
Now I do it stark, do it dark  
in this game, their pain game

Hold on, endure it  
It will just take another minute  
maybe three seconds are enough for your mind to quit

This Embrace of Pain may feel sick  
be ready to endure a nasty crick  
your bones will make some noisy snick  
But soon you'll learn to get a real kick

Let's play a pain game, play a pain game  
Do you want freedom, or you want to  
become insane - Dans le pain game

Learn the True Way, how I'll teach you  
The Yuuzhan Vong's believe before  
it will be to late - Dans le pain game

I can see you staring down at me from that red scaffold  
with your face contorted hanging upside down  
The story of us, it always starts the same  
an apprentice seeking and a master of game

And a game  
And a game, of the pain  
You'll love pain!

Let's play a verge game, play a pain game  
Do you want freedom or you want  
to become insane, Dans le pain game

I can leave you hanging here for an hour  
or a year until you embrace the pain or you'll  
die in their game, Dans le pain game

Leave the mourning behind, start to realize  
why you are so weak while the Yuuzhan Vong  
got fame, dans le pain game

Let's play a verge game, play a pain game  
Do you want freedom or you want  
to become insane, Dans le pain game

Dans le pain game


	7. Boombastic Overlord Shimrra!

**This is a tribute to the Supreme Overlord Shimrra Jamaane of the Yuuzhan Vong people, based on "Mr. Boombastic" by Shaggy in 2009.**

 **Mr. Boombastic Overlord Shimrra!**

Mr. Boombastic  
What you want is some boombastic gigantic  
Fantastic Dread Lord,

Shimrra!

Mr. Overlover hmmm,  
Mr. Overlover hähä –lord  
Mr. Overlover hmmm,  
Mr. Overlover hähä -lord

They call me Mr. Boombastic  
Say me fantastic I'll take you aback  
They say I'm Mr. Gi-  
Gantic, say I'm fantastic  
I'll surprise you for I'm Mr. Gi-

Smooth, just like the silk  
Softly I start my court session like a quilt  
with my lyrical jester - a Shamed One but no filth  
With my tremendous physique, jah know me well-built  
Sitting on my Hau polyp thrown - You'll see me soon

I'm just like a pearl - coming out of a Sklipun*  
I'll summon you all - put you under my spell  
flower petals squeezed under my feet for sweet smell  
before I interrogate you listening what you tell  
And dare to show rejection, so I'll tell ya: Go to hell!

I'm Boombastic  
tell me fantastic, I'll take you aback  
They say I'm Mr. Gi-  
Gantic, say I'm fantastic  
I'll arouse you for I'm Mr. Boom, boom, boom

-Bastic  
tell me fantastic, I'll take you aback  
They say I'm Mr. Gi-  
Gantic, say I'm fantastic  
And I will thrill you for I'm Mr. Boom, boom, boom

Gee wheeze, baby please  
You'll will dream of a lone Grashal* with  
a sweet cool breeze  
Sure you don't feel well, 'cause I have the keys  
for a nudge to make you give me a mind striptease

Don't you cause me an itching ha ha, baby please  
Don't you try to fool me, lest I might make you wheeze  
(Woe!)  
Well, you are the prey and I'm in a chase  
Breaking your defiance with my rainbow gaze

I'm Boombastic  
call me fantastic, I'll take you aback  
They say I'm Mr. Gi-  
Gantic, say I'm fantastic  
I'll surprise you for I'm Mr. Boom, boom, boom

-Bastic  
call me fantastic, I'll make you stagger  
They say I'm Mr. Gi-  
Gantic, say I'm fantastic  
I'll arose you for I'm Mr. Boom, boom, boom

I say  
Give me your – your utmost loyality  
against that heresy  
Folks you need like you should

Nen Yim, I need your creativity  
shape new technology  
as soon as you could

From soft-sweet I'll change to hiss and harass  
Ruffling every strand of hair on your chest  
I'm bombastic! Rated as the best,  
the best you should get - Nothing more, nothing less  
Give me your reports, I'll crack your mind's fortress  
I'll bet you confess when I put you to the test  
For I'm

Boombastic  
say me fantastic, I'll take you aback  
They say I'm Mr. Gi-  
Gantic, say I'm fantastic  
I'll shake you up for I'm Mr. Boom, boom, boom

-Bastic  
Tell me fantastic, why you scratch your back  
Onimi, what it is about?  
An Itching, I clearly feel it  
So Master Shaper Ch'Gang Hool, tell me about it.

Shaper, your activity did lack from the - start  
You are hesitating, denying, pretending you are - smart  
Let me make you feel the spark of the looming gore,  
Soldiers, take him off and outside kill this impostor!

I'll get straight to the point - Like an arrow, arrow dart  
Tsavong Lah, why did you squander our soldiers like low cards  
You speak of victory while I see overstretching of our fleet  
So shut up and I'll give you my admonition strict

I'm Boombastic  
tell me fantastic, I'll catch you off guard  
'cause I'm Mr. Gi-  
Gantic, say I'm fantastic  
I'll frighten you for I'm Mr. Boom, boom, boom

-Bastic  
call me fantastic, I'll sweep your off your feet  
'cause I'm Mr. Gi-  
Gantic, say I'm fantastic  
I'll dread you for I'm Mr. Boom, boom,

How you need it now?

Smooth

* * *

*A Sklipun is a shell-like living Yuuzhan Vong device for storing precious or important things.

* A Grashal is a living snail house-like living quarter of the Yuuzhan Vong


	8. The Hutt Lady and the Supreme Commander

Hi, this song is a parody about the Hutt Borga Besadii Diori and Supreme Commander Nas Choka, meeting at Nal Hutta during "Agents of Chaos", the 5th volume of "New Jedi Order" from 2000 by James Luceno. Basis of this creation of mine is Lady Gaga's song "G.U.Y." from 2014.

 **The Hutt and the Supreme Commander (Borga Besadii Diori & Nas Choka)**

Greetings from Borga Besadii Diori,  
Son of Aruk the Great, Hermaphrodite  
I'm a music- and art-loving Hutt girl  
showing you new and exciting positions

I wanna be the girl under you (oh yeah)  
When you play nice and tell no lies  
Or I'll be the grave and earth you (oh yeah)  
If you disturb our trade of spice

Trade is a snake which has to heads to hold  
In this game I'm aiming for full control (of this game)  
Behave well and I'll play nice  
Dare to fool me, you don't do twice  
and I'll become the girl that makes you cry

I wanna be that G.U.Y.*  
I wanna be that G.U.Y.  
I wanna be that G.U.Y.  
The girl under you guya

You want me call you Lord - this title  
may suit some circumstances well  
Guy, I'm experienced in slave-trade (oh yeah)  
Know, you 'll use my service well

I'm gonna give you some bases for troops' supply  
just play along and I'll be you such a precious ally  
Behave well and I'll play nice  
Dare to fool me, you don't do twice  
and I'll become the girl that makes you cry

I wanna be that G.U.Y.  
I wanna be that G.U.Y.  
I wanna be that G.U.Y.  
The girl under you guya

I don't need to be on top - to know what it does,  
I'm big enough to crush you soon  
I just want a smooth business, because we Hutts  
are the best in what we're used to do

Gaaayuuuwaay - So please me, feel me  
Gaaayuuuwaay - Natural goddess I am  
G.u.y. Nar Shaddaa comes into full phase that night  
And Yun-Yammka's spirit rams into Nal Huttan heights

Use my Hutt Space, don't be shy  
I'm in charge like a G.U.Y.  
I'll turn my gaze away, while your invasion makes others cry

I wanna be that G.U.Y.  
I wanna be that G.U.Y.  
I wanna be that G.U.Y.  
The girl under you guya

I wanna be that G.U.Y.  
I'll wreck you right up G.U.Y.  
I'll lie down face up G.U.Y.  
The girl under you guya!

Vierzehn, dreizehn, drei, zwei, eins

Nein Nas!  
Nein Nas!  
Nein Nas!  
Nein Nas!

* * *

*G.U.Y. = Acronym for Girl Under You


	9. Sacrifice

**Hi, this is another tribute to Tsavong Lah, Warmaster of the Yuuzhan Vong – this time about his frequent meals at the so called "High Chew" aboard the Sunulok and about his final battle on Ebaq 9 – a parody after Lady Gaga's song "Stache" ft. Zedd from 2012.**

 **Sacrifice**

Tsavong chew high.  
Tsavong die high.  
Tsavong high guy.  
Where is my

Sacrifice!  
it has to feed my war!  
Vaecta!  
You want so much more.  
But where are the humans?  
Rodians and Twi'leks?  
Vaecta!  
My priestess – I don't 's no exit,

We're deep in the core on Ebaq 9.  
No matter what you might think,  
My obsession is so fine. (so fine)

I need more ...  
You know, where are more …?  
I can't find more  
of my troops anymore.

Tsavong chew high.  
Tsavong die high.  
Priestess Vaecta  
wants numbers high.

There's one particular thing that I want (want, want).  
Sacrifice for the gods (especially Yun-Yammka).  
But when I can't find some they will be fed up, (fed up).  
I have to win a war or I'll get really messed up (messed up, messed up).

Sacrifice!  
It has to feed my war.  
Vaecta!  
I fed it with my foot.  
I fed it with my arm.  
But where are the twins?  
Come, Vergere.  
and Nom Anor.  
Where are Jacen, Jaina?

Nom Anor, Vergere,  
bring 'em here.  
And then – let's party  
to mess 'em all up.  
Or we all are messed up.

Hello, I'm Jaina –  
So here I am.  
You're so messed up.  
Fanatic war head you, Tsavong!

So finally, let's skirmish,  
even if I'll perish.  
Gods, my sacrifice you cherish?  
Then I will give in to that final wish.

My body and soul dying in fight,  
far better than a loser's plight.


	10. Nom Anor - Straight Into Your Heart

This is another tribute to Nom Anor after the song "Applause" by Lady Gaga from 2013. Nom Anor is entering the Coruscant Senate to bring a message from Tsavong Lah regarding the locked in refugees from Talfaglio in 27 NSY as to be read in Troy Denning's "Star by Star", vol. 9 of the New Jedi Order series.

 **Nom Anor – Straight Into Your Heart**

I'm stepping into the rotunda, to ring your senate's bell.  
To crash the critics saying, "It never will go well."  
Long enough fame evaded me, how could I ever bear  
Hidden in Ooglith disguise for so long, but now my true self is here.

I don't expect applause, applause, applause  
I understand because, because, because, because  
I'm the enemy so sneer and scream at me  
That's my best applause.

Give me that thing that I love (Turn the lights on)  
Put your hands up, clench your fists, (Make it real strong)  
Give me all of your loath (Turn the lights on)  
and I'll give you the gist (for I'm a Yuuzhan Vong)

Make it real, real loud, loud  
Put your hands up, shout your repulse out  
(A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E) Make it real, real loud  
Put your hands up, making me proud

I'm not inclined to give  
an explanation about what we did.  
I guess Borsk, if you want so  
You are the next one to be hit.

One moment I feigned to be a Human  
a blue Duros another day.  
Yun Harla's trickery is an art fine  
and thus it is embodied by me.

You may have seen me, there on Rhommamool  
At Nal Hutta, Duros and Yag D'hul  
Believe it or not, we will reach our goal  
Look right into my Plaeryn Bol.

Inside outside your galaxy (we wait for so long)  
And you did not see (what went wrong)  
Finally we did come (Turn the lights on)  
Straight into your heart (here on Coruscant)

See my armor of red Vonduun crab  
See the amphistaff in my hands up  
From a Human duck I did fledge  
into a bright Yuuzhan Vong swan.

Oooooooooh  
Ooh it's so rocking  
Oooooooh  
Because a dream came true.

I don't expect applause, applause, applause  
I understand because, because, because, because  
I'm the enemy so leer and mock at me  
Yeah, that's my best applause.

Give me that thing that I love (Turn the lights on)  
Put your hands up, clench your fists, (Make it real strong)  
Give me all of your loath (Turn the lights on)  
and I'll give you the gist (for I'm a Yuuzhan Vong)

Make it real, real loud, loud  
some of you begging me, some others shout, shout  
This (A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E) feels so real, even more  
weakening your fortress' hinges, that's me - Nom Anor.


	11. Villip Service

Hi,

This is another tribute of mine to the Yuuzhan Vong's Warmaster Tsavong Lah, this time about, what he is doing in certain times between the battles and about his enchanting Villip mistress Seef. Basis for this is the song "Room Service" sung by the band KISS from 1975.

 **Villip Service**

I'm feelin' low, no battle to go  
Vaecta - all my transport ships she took  
fetching more sacrifices for the gods  
Who last time told me the odds.

But just when I'm about to  
take my meal at the High Chew  
Seef approaches and asks if I'm  
too busy to hear really bad news

Villip service, baby just let me hear  
Villip service, I don't mind, so don't fear  
Villip service, your sight is the pleasure I take with the pain  
I can't say no

My plans are delayed and I'm afraid  
but somebody saved a good part of my fleet  
And a feathered being, violet and shroud says  
"I'll help you even more"

But just as I'm about to wonder  
why and what she is  
She says "Oh please", she's on her knees  
her feathers so smooth, tantalizing sweet

Villip service, Seef, give her a com-ball soon  
Villip service, Vergere is so true  
I can take the pleasure with Aliens too  
I can't say no, no

Lost at a spaceport, I'm hangin' 'round  
Some droids near me uttering ugly sound  
A sweet nineteen lookin' hot and mean says  
'I wish you would'

But just as I'm about  
to tell her "Yes, I think I can"  
I see her dad, he's getting mad  
Han Solo hates me 'So long, maybe next time'.

Villip service, baby, I can't even give you  
Villip service, such a com-ball like I would  
Villip service, pleasure has to wait. Hello pain!  
I can't say no

Villip service, there's a senator waiting  
Villip service, for a com-ball and for leaking  
Villip service, I take the pleasure with Viqi Shesh  
So smooth white flesh.

Villip service, baby I could use a meal  
Villip service, I do with you what I feel  
Villip service, you take the pleasure with the pain  
You can't say no

Villip service, Seef you are still the best to go with me.


	12. Centerpoint Station

Hi,

this is a tribute of mine to the Twi'lek-Jedi Daeshara'cor and her search after super weapons like the Centerpoint Station to fight the Yuuzhan Vong invasion in the GFFA in 25 ABY. Originally the song is called "Sanctified Lady", sung by Marvin Gaye and released in 1985.

 **Centerpoint Station**

[Chorus: (through a vocoder)]

Centerpoint, Centerpoint  
Centerpoint Station, Station  
Centerpoint, Centerpoint  
Centerpoint Station, Station  
Centerpoint, Centerpoint  
Centerpoint Station, Station

[Verse 1]

Standing here all alone,  
while invaders are prone (Centerpoint)  
The Yuuzhan Vong do cheat and lie  
In disguise sneak around and spy (Centerpoint)

Some say yes, some say no  
Some say stop, some say go (Centerpoint)  
Some like them, some hate them  
Some use them, some flee them

Oooh, I need a Centerpoint Station

[Chorus]

What I want, a super strong weapon  
Bringing them harm, a Centerpoint Station  
Saving my home, a Centerpoint Station  
Keep off the Vong's harm (Centerpoint)

[Verse 2]

Sernpidal here, Ithor there  
Their bioweapons everywhere (Centerpoint)  
Some suck, cause they don't dare  
Some of them just don't care (hit it, Centerpoint!)

Enslavers are the Yuuzhan Vong  
is it just me, who thinks that's wrong? (Centerpoint)  
My mother - slave under a master's rule  
at least without a Yorik-Kul*.

So I'm looking for a Centerpoint Station

[Chorus]

That's what I say loud, a Centerpoint Station  
To take them out, a super strong weapon  
Good for me, and for the galaxy  
Let my conscience free,

a Centerpoint Station

[Verse 3]

Oh, we'll go to fight  
(Centerpoint Station, good for me)  
I'll find the plans, it's so good  
(Centerpoint Station) to stay free

[Chorus]

(Centerpoint Station)

What I need, please,  
a Centerpoint Station  
Listen, Anakin and help me  
Ouuu! Centerpoint Station,  
save it for me – I need a fellow  
Centerpoint Station –  
that's what I need  
I'm so tired of words hollow

[Verse 4]

Ah, fellow Jedi (Anakin, won't you  
safe your family's life?)  
Ah, come on, skip the Jedi Codex  
(not to attack) and prepare for a fight.

Ah, together we'll go out  
with Centerpoint Station we'll put the things right

[Chorus]

We need a Centerpoint Station  
for my heart  
A Centerpoint Station, which can eject  
some beams to tear them apart

A Centerpoint Station - Bouncing doom  
back to their worldships  
I want a Centerpoint Station – making boom  
dealing on them some good hits

Like the Death Star - kind of device  
It's what we need, to honor  
Miko Reglia's sacrifice (Miko)  
Oh Force, that's what I need

A Centerpoint Station  
I loved Mika for so long  
Give me a Centerpoint Station  
Chasing the Vong all night long

I want a Centerpoint Station  
Miko I'll love you all my life  
I ain't gonna find peace  
til I've fond Palpatine's Eye.

* * *

* Yorik-Kul: Coral implant in the head to break a slave's mind and to enable him to follow a Yammosk's commands.


	13. Baaad Guy - Tsavong Lah & Jaina Solo

**Hi,**

 **This is a tribute to Jaina Solo, who harbors a dark secret – until now. Basis for this is the song "Bad Guy" from Billie Eilish from 2019.**

 **Bad Guy**

 **Dah dadadadah –**

 **Dah dadadada**

 **White shirt now red, my bloody nose  
I have a secret, nobody knows  
under my Renegade's uniform  
Think you're so criminal**

 **Bruises, for you on both my breasts  
Because of your broad scaly chest  
I do what and when I want to  
My soul? So cynical**

 **So you're a tough guy  
Like it really rough guy  
Just can't get enough guy  
Chest always so puffed guy**

 **You're Yun-Yammka  
let me be your Yun-Harla  
My mom's so much light side  
dark is more my dad's type  
you're such a bad guy, **

**duh**

 **such a baaad guy**

 **I like it when you take control  
Though you don't know that you don't  
Own me, I'll let you play the role  
I'll be your smooching pet**

 **My mommy likes to sing along with me  
But she won't sing this song  
If she reads all the lyrics  
She'll pity the men I know**

 **So you're a crab guy  
with such a spiky hip-tie  
Devastatingly strong guy  
You never fear, you're wrong guy**

 **I'll go astray, guy  
When you're pinning me that tight  
on the cold ground that I'll cry  
still your way's end up I tie  
You're the bad guy, **

**Duh**

 **Such a baaad guy,**

 **duh**

 **Just good at being bad, bad**

 **I like how you go that mad  
you're all alone now - looking so sad  
Slow motion like after too much wine  
'cause of low gravity on Ebaq 9  
You look so graceful slowly falling down **

**You're a bad guy**

 **hh**

 **I, I'm a bad guy  
hh**


	14. My Villips

This is another NGO Tribute and Yuuzhan Vong song of mine – this time about Tsavong Lah's beautiful Villip Mistress Seef, who gives Senator Viqi Shesh some advice how to treat her newly acquired Villip … and the Warmaster likewise. Parody after "Milkshake" by Kelis from 2003.

 **My Villips***

My Villips bring all the boys to the yard,  
And damn right,  
they're better than your  
dead metal communicator  
For the first time,  
it may feel awkward.

My Villips bring all the boys to the yard,  
And damn right,  
they're better than your  
dead metal communicator  
I can teach you,  
it won't be that hard.

I know you want it,  
The thing that makes me,  
What Tsavong Lah goes crazy for.  
He loses his mind,  
The way I wind,  
I think its time.

La La, La La La,  
Wake it up  
La La, La La La  
Stroke it gently

La La, La La La,  
the groove everts  
Lah Lah, Tsavong Lah  
into his 3D-image

My Villips bring all the boys to the yard,  
And damn right,  
they're better than your  
dead metal communicator  
get acquainted,  
right from the start.

My Villips bring all the boys to the yard,  
And damn right,  
they're better than your  
dead metal communicator,  
get used to it  
And he'll give reward.

I can see you're on it,  
You want me to teach the  
organic ways that freak these boys,  
It can't be bought,  
Just he's got you caught,  
Watch if your smart.

La La, La La La,  
Wake it up  
La La, La La La  
Stroke it gently

La La, La La La,  
the groove everts  
Lah Lah, Tsavong Lah  
into his 3D-image

My Villips bring all the boys to the yard,  
And damn right,  
they're better than your  
dead metal communicator  
which is heinous!  
May it fall apart!

My Villips bring all the boys to the yard,  
And damn right,  
they're better than your  
dead metal communicator,  
which anyone  
can eavesdrop on.

Once you get involved,  
no mean can overhear you,  
Two Villips shared one stalk,  
telepathic connected,  
Just do what Villips do,  
most time conceal what within,  
Then next his eyes are squint,  
Then he's picked up your scent.

La La, La La La,  
Wake it up  
La La, La La La  
Stroke it gently

La La, La La La,  
the groove everts  
Lah Lah, Tsavong Lah  
into his 3D-image

My Villips bring all the boys to the yard,  
And damn right,  
they're better than your  
dead metal communicator  
which, believe me,  
you'll soon discard.

My Villips bring all the boys to the yard,  
And damn right,  
they're better than your  
dead metal communicator  
Wait, in due time,  
you can't live without.

* * *

*Villip – a living communication device of the Yuuzhan Vong. Usually two villip-berries grow on one stalk to stay in touch with each other after becoming ripe and being given each to two participants who want to stay in a longer contact with each other.


	15. Von'u by the World Brain - Onimi&Nen Yim

Hi,

this is another NJO tribute of mine, this time dedicated to … do you know the pairing I'm hinting at? The ones of you who have read NJO will surely know. I just have forgotten the volume in which this specific scene with the green ointment is in, sorry.

But at least I know that the original song for this parody is "Cake by the Ocean" by DNCE from 2015.

And now you may make some educated guesses.

 **Von'u* by the World Brain***

Oh, no! See you walking 'round like it's a sacrifice  
Not so serious, girl, I try to entice.  
We just getting started, I have what you  
yearn for, ah

Waste time with the Eight Cortex  
while you self are a masterpiece  
You should be rolling with me  
You don't know you do already, ah  
You're a real-life fantasy  
my real-life fantasy  
But you're moving so carefully  
I know what you hide from me.

Talk to me, baby  
I'm going blind from this sweet-sweet craving  
Whoa-oh  
Let's lose our minds and go fucking crazy  
Ah ya ya ya ya  
I keep on hoping we'll eat Von'u by the World Brain

Show it to me, baby  
I'll be Vua Rapuung, you'll be my Mezhan Kwaad -oh  
Let's lose our minds and go fucking crazy  
Ah ya ya ya ya  
I keep on hoping we'll eat Von'u by the World Brain

Gods damn! See your fingers picking up that green ointment  
Still want one more dash, I'm begging, yes ma'am  
I'm tired of all this itching on the waste land  
promised land, oh

Waste time with the Eight Cortex  
while you self are a masterpiece  
You should be rolling with me  
You don't know you do already, ah  
You're a real-life fantasy  
My real-life fantasy  
But you're moving so carefully  
why not tear down this boundary, whoah

Talk to me, baby  
I'm going blind from this sweet-sweet craving  
Whoa-oh  
Let's lose our minds and go fucking crazy  
Ah ya ya ya ya  
I keep on hoping we'll eat Von'u by the World Brain

Give it to me, baby  
I'll be Vua Rapuung, you'll be my Mezhan Kwaad -oh  
Let's lose our minds and go fucking crazy  
Ah ya ya ya ya  
I keep on hoping  
We'll eat Von'u by the World Brain (ooh, aah)  
Ah ya ya ya ya  
I keep on hoping  
We'll eat Von'u by the World Brain (ooh, aah)  
Ah ya ya ya ya  
I keep on hoping  
We'll eat Von'u by the World Brain (ooh, aah)

You're fucking delicious  
Give in to me!

Talk to me, baby  
I'm going blind from this sweet-sweet craving  
Whoa-oh  
Let's lose our minds and go fucking crazy  
Ah ya ya ya ya  
I keep on hoping  
We'll eat Von'u by the World Brain

Yield to me, baby (Yield to me now)  
I'll be Vua Rapuung, you'll be my Mezhan Kwaad -oh  
Let's combine our minds discover all secrets  
Ah ya ya ya ya  
and together  
We'll fill the Eigth Cortex

Want Honey of Sparkbee and Yanskac* in my life  
Y'luubi*, I'm ready, I need it every night  
Y'luubi in my life (ah ya ya ya ya)  
Hoping in vain  
We'll eat Von'u by the World Brain.

* * *

*Von'u – a treat given to Yuuzhan Vong children in case of behaving well

*World Brain – An organic brain, created by the Yuuzhan Vong to control a planet's wellbeing and almost everything there from weather to nature.

*Y'luubi, Yanskac – aquatic creatures to be eaten as delicacies.


	16. Love Profusal - Nom Anor & Nen Yim

This is an NJO tribute to Nen Yim and Nom Anor at the planet Zonama Sekot in "The Final Prophecy" Basis for this parody is Madonna's song "Love Profusion". Songwriter: Mirwais Ahmadzai

 **Love Profusal**

There are too many questions  
There is not one solution  
There is no resurrection  
There is so much confusion

And that love profusion  
You make me feel  
never felt such  
And that love vibration  
It makes you shine  
a touch too much

There is left just one option  
There is no consolation  
I have lost my illusions  
What I want is a promotion

And the love profusion  
You make me feel  
never felt such  
And the love direction  
I do feel while  
my mind cries No!  
You make me feel  
It makes you shine  
a touch too much

You did crawl under my skin  
You did sneak under my skin  
Now I've got you under my skin  
And I won't take that anymore

There is no comprehension  
There is real isolation  
There is so much destruction  
I want to rise above that in elevation

Nice try with your whip-sting  
but my executor reflexes are fast  
I admit that you are truly a genius – so sorry  
for what I have to do to you at last

Cause you got under my skin  
It's just a whim, I'll suppress from within  
You've found the truth here you did confess  
But truth is relative or even less

You are so fond of your brave discov'ry  
Just have one more see my peeling off skin  
You like my true face more than that Shamed One-Ooglith  
I don't care, just see me as I am.

And your love profusion  
You do show  
You make me feel  
this your love invasion  
I have to thwart  
before it will get on me

You make me feel  
I will defy  
before it will turn real

You got under my skin  
It's just a whim, I'll suppress from within  
Your loss will be a regrettable one  
but I have to get my mission done

You and your Zonama Sekot will die  
just two sprouts on my ladder going high  
I am the prince, Yun-Harla likes to kiss  
While Yun-Ne'Shel, just her maid she is

Still you make me feel …

This living planet feels so real …  
…

I don't care about this future  
shining so bright in your mind gone mad here  
Tell me, how much a people can change til  
it will lose itself and disappear.


	17. Four Klekkets - Nen Yim & Onimi

Hi,

This is another NJO-tribute of mine, this time to Nen Yim and Onimi in vol. 8 "Edge of Victory", vol. 14 "Destiny's Way" and 18 "The Final Prophecy". Actually they are both shapers but it is not just about work what they say and do. The original song is "Four Minutes" from Madonna and Justin Timberlake from 2008.

 **Four Klekkets***

I'm outta time and all I got is four minutes, eh

I'm outta time and all I got is four minutes, eh

I'm outta time and all I got is four minutes, eh

I'm outta time and all I got is four minutes, eh

I'm outta time and all I got is four Klekkets, eh

I'm outta time and all I got is four Klekkets, eh

I'm outta time and all I got is four Klekkets, eh

I'm outta time and all I got is four Klekkets, eh

Come on, ascending moon  
standing over there while  
your thoughts to me they croon  
Break down

For my touch your tendrils ache  
Come on, warm up babe  
I can almost feel you shake  
Yeah!

Did you come  
just for foolish conversation  
or even on important errand

A convo 's never foolish  
that begs the fool  
Tell me how you wanna roll

I want somebody to speed it up for me  
to pick up my stroll  
to skip that old protocol

Well, I can handle that  
You just gotta show me where it's at  
Are you ready to go?

Am I ready to go?

I bring a dainty  
A glistering pustule  
from the gods for my sweet little … Ts … uh!

Don't say that word again  
'cause I'm a master  
and not any sort of plaything of yours

Time is sipping  
my thoughts are dripping  
like blood pooling at your feet.  
No hesitating  
craving for  
anything of you

Time is wailing  
We only got four Klekkets  
To save the worldship ailing  
sure, all in due time  
and now let's shape  
the perfect Grutchin*.

Keep it up, keep it up  
Don't be a prissy  
Nen Ts…, uh  
You gotta get in line, hop

Tick tock tick tock tick tock

That's right, keep it up, keep it up  
Don't be a prissy Nen Ts …, uh  
You gotta get in line, hop

Tick tock tick tock tick tock

Sometimes I think what u need  
is a me intervention, yeah  
Though I know that you won't  
say you like it  
Time's not yet right to reveal  
all I can do

The road to heresy  
is paved with good will, yeah  
But if I die tonight  
At least I can say I did  
What saved my people  
Tell me, how 'bout you?

If you want it  
You already got it  
Here is a Qahsa*  
And it's this way down

I need more light  
Such gluttons are the eyes  
They always want more  
but often tell us less.

Time is waiting  
We only got four Klekkets  
To save the Yuuzhan Vong  
No hesitating  
give me a repulsor  
before the enemy has won

Time is fleeting  
laps hours, devours days, months and years  
passes them like gas  
No hesitating  
I only got four minutes  
to have a bit of you.

Keep it up, keep it up  
Don't be a prissy Nen Ts… , uh  
You gotta get in line, hop  
Tick tock tick tock tick tock

That's right, you are right, keep it up  
You are my pretty Nen Ts…, uh  
You gotta get in line, hop  
Tick tock tick tock tick tock

Breakdown, yeah

(Tick tock tick tock tick tock)  
Yeah, uh huh  
(Tick tock tick tock tick tock)  
Four Klekkets - not enough to save the worldship.

* * *

*Klekket – a time period of two months  
*Baanu Miir – The worldship Nen Yim is at home currently  
*Grutchin – An aggressive bug which can eat itself through metal  
easily and hence is used by the Yuuzhan Vong to infiltrate and the destroy the enemy's smaller ships  
*Qahsa or Qang Qahsa – an organic medium to save and to collect information concerning shaping protocols and methods of shaping


	18. Warmaster's Hooker Tsavong Lah&Viqi Shes

This songfic parody is for the Yuuzhan Vong's infamous Warmaster Tsavong Lah and Senator Viqi Shesh according to some events in NJO "Star By Star" and "Rebel's Stand." The original song is from Lady Gaga "Government Hooker" from 2011.

 **Warmaster's hooker**

I'm Tricky Viqi  
I'm Tricky Viqi  
There's no looking back  
There's no turning back

Warmaster's Hooker-eh

I can be good  
like you in things that are bad  
I can stay cool  
I know sometimes you turn mad  
I can be anything  
I'll be your everything  
Just touch me baby  
I don't wanna be sad

As long as I'm your hooker  
(Go, and put that Ooglith on!)  
As long as I'm your hooker  
(Go there and spy around!)  
As long as I'm your hooker  
(Show me your secrets found!)  
As long as I'm your hooker  
(Get down!)

Hoo-hoo-ker!  
Yeah, you're my hooker  
Hoo-hoo-ker!  
(Warmaster Hooker) 2x

I'll drink my dragweed broth today  
care for my Villip as you say  
That you will keep loving me, baby  
Yes, I know you love me, baby.

I could be counselor  
I know you wouldn't trust  
I could be sex  
I know you like coreward thrusts  
I could be anything  
I could be everything  
I could be mom  
I'll hurry to steal Luke's Ben.  
(Ay, mi papito!)

As long as I'm your hooker  
(Put your Ooglith on and spy!)  
As long as I'm your hooker  
(Tell me if we made them cry!)  
As long as I'm your hooker  
(You'll do just as I say!)  
As long as I'm your hooker  
(Lay down!)

Hoo-hoo-ker!  
Yeah, you're my hooker  
Hoo-hoo-ker!  
Warmaster Hooker 2x

I'm going to please ya,  
Warmaster Lah  
I'll make you squeal baby  
As long as Kuat stays free

I'll bake some Muur pastiche tonight  
I wear a Chilab in my nose hole right  
Lest you won't blackmail me baby  
And I know you love me for it.

Hoo-hoo-ker!  
Yeah, you're my hooker  
Hoo-hoo-ker!  
Warmaster Hooker 2x

Never would show my despair  
to invite you to pounce at  
I won't ever say technology  
unless to unleash your wrath  
I could be anything  
I could be everything  
I would never leave you  
Unless I want to be dead

You think you don't need me much longer  
(Just have a look down)  
Stop lying at me, Warmaster hooker  
(what interesting defense)

Listen to me, Warmaster hooker  
(Just push her down)  
to a secret that makes you shudder  
(Well tell me!)

Yes!

* * *

* Dragweed broth – a broth of the Yuuzhan Vong  
* Villip – communication device of the Yuuzhan Vong

* Chilab – neural grub and saving medium of the Yuuzhan Vong, recording everything a person sees or hears.


	19. The Priestess and the Major

**This parody is about the Yuuzhan Vong priestess Elan and the New Republic's Major Showolter, who had to guard her, while she pretended to be a defector from the enemy to provide help, as to read in "Agents of Chaos I: Hero's trial – the 4th tome of "New Jedi Order", written by James Luceno in 2000.**

 **The original song is of course "La garota de Ipanema", composed 1962 by Antônio Carlos Jobim, Text by Vinícius de Moraes. You may know rather the English Version "The Girl from Ipanema" by Stan Getz and João Gilberto, 1963. I took some of both texts, because they are really different from each other.**

* * *

The Major and the Priestess

Tall, tattooed, so young and lovely  
The Yuuzhan Vong Girl with a crystal escape pod defecting  
is boarding our ship and each one 'board the _Soothfast_  
goes Aaaaah!

When she walks, her stride is like Vaapad  
defying gravity, almost hovering forward.  
As a priestess, she knows the enemy's plans  
and has a cure for Mara.

Oooh, why is it that I'm suspicious?  
Is it truuue, that all Yuuzhan Vong are vicious?  
Yeees, I will watch her stayin' sleepless.  
But each day when she walks next to me  
I clearly feel that my heart isn't free.

Tall, tattooed, so young and lovely  
next to her lilac Intima, the Yuuzhan Vong Girl  
Is explaining her views and I frown  
cause what I hear from her  
is not that sincere.  
So why is she here?

Iiiiii can't stop thinking about her  
Cause each time when Elan looks at me  
all the other things are turning weee

Tall tattooed, so young and lovely  
The Yuuzhan Vong Girl suddenly wears this mask called Ooglith  
pretending to be just like me  
Oh I wish she could see

Tall, tattooed, so young and lovely  
The Yuuzhan Vong Girl with the icy blue eyes is passing.  
And each passenger aboard the _Queen of Empire_  
is sighing Aaaahhh!

When she speaks of the purification  
of my home galaxy, that it is not necessary  
to kill us all – then I smirk, and  
I can't believe.

Noooo, she's not joking – I'm sorry  
Sheee wants to meet high-ranking Jedi  
Yeees, I will be on guard closely  
But each time, when Elan smiles at me  
This my galaxy seem full of glee

Tall, tattooed, so young and lovely  
Elan did release her Bo'tous spores  
There was no way out for her and I'm sad.  
Why she just didn't see  
how she could really break free  
from the enemy?

She just couldn't see


	20. Tsavong Lah 20 - upgraded by Vergere

**This song is a parody on the relationship of Vergere with Warmaster Tsavong Lah after the Star War book series "New Jedi Order", here especially with the volumes 9 "Star by Star" by Troy Denning (2001) and "Destiny's Way" by Walter Jon Williams (2002). Original song is "Upgrade You" by Beyoncé and JayZ from 2006.**

* * *

Tsavong Lah 2.0 - upgraded by Vergere

"Greetings Warmaster!"  
"I was told you've yielded much information 'bout the infidels."  
"I would do even more."  
"And why you would speak this only to me?"

"Because I presume you to handle this discreetly – delicately."  
"Hahaha, you presume much about me."  
"If I'm wrong, I am prepared to embrace punishment."  
"O.k. Don't waste more of my time. Say what you came here to say!"

"I hear you command the war, but I'm the lights that keep your fleets on  
Notice you're the sweeping type, that like to keep them on a leash though  
I took the long way up to you, and that for a reason  
straight from Solo Han, Lord of the Millennium Falcon

I can get you Jacen, this will be easy  
The rest of the Solos will follow him, trust me.  
This ain't no shoulder with a chip, or with Nom Anor  
But what you think your priests were all mad at me for."

"Yes, familiar. That is of interest."

"You need a good advisor in your life  
Taking care, while your flagship is still fly  
And I'mma help keeping low your loss amount  
Getting you even more goal peaks to mount

When Vaecta is nettling you, for the mills  
It takes me just some wing beats to make it nil  
At anything you cop, I'll split the bill  
I make them stop, bringing you uphill

Warmaster, let me upgrade you,  
Switch your cape claws to sharper levels  
(Up) upgrade you, (can I) upgrade you  
(let me) Warmaster, let me upgrade you

Warmaster, let me upgrade you  
Flip a new page  
and let me introduce you to some new things  
which upgrade you, upgrade you.  
Warmaster, let me upgrade you

I can do for you, what Onimi does for Shimrra  
The Overlord commands, but his yester keep the tempo  
It's very seldom, that you're blessed to find your equal  
Still played my part and let you take the lead role, believe me

I'll follow, like I'm trained to, it'd be easy  
I'll be the help, whenever you need me  
Whenever you're brought upset by Nom Anor, I can keep you  
Focused on your focus, I will feed you."

"You, I must watch. It will amuse me, if nothing else."

"You need a real advisor in your life  
Taking care while your people is still fly  
I can help your powerbase solidify  
Far better than Nom Anor made their senate comply

When the Overlord comes down on you, his words' venom spill  
Just turn on me to ease it up, that's one of my many skills  
Anything pressing you down, I can lift it  
getting you leverage, let me upgrade you

Just let me bring your poor Basic to a higher level  
and your next public speech will rock every table  
That Tizowyrm in your ear - expendable  
Warmaster, let me upgrade you

Just let me upgrade you, (I can, can I?), Let me elevate you  
Warmaster, let me upgrade you"

"So I be's the doom-boy, penetrating all your stained worlds  
First they were targets, now challenges to be re-mold  
Belkadan, Sernpidal, Ithor, Duro, oughta do  
It's big balling baby, when I'm honoring you

I'm not talking just spy grubs and thud bugs  
a secret room, that rumors you, Vergere, on the verge  
Of a new merge, 'cause enhancing your brain needs a Vaa-tumor  
With me you'll be like newly born, you've ever seen Sojourn?

No, not the moon, but everywhere we loom over  
You're sure to see stars, this is high level not eye level  
My left foot, courtesy of a Vua'sa  
enhancing you tomorrow, now look at how I grace you

Intima, let me upgrade you"

"Just when you think we had it all  
New worlds, a new flagship and a new destiny  
Picture your life escalating with me  
Make you my project celebrity (I keep your name hot in every system)

And it's that ray of my light that makes you diamond really shine  
And you already are a star, but  
Unless you're flawless  
Lah Warmaster dynasty ain't complete without a chief like me

Warmaster, let me upgrade you  
Flip a new page  
and bring your mind to a higher level  
upgrade you upgrade you  
Warmaster let me upgrade you

Warmaster, let me upgrade you  
teaching you a game, a firm base of Jedi-thinking frame  
Dejarik – it's like you fame  
Warmaster, let me upgrade you

Help you staying restless, adamant

Levelling, vong-forming Coruscant  
killing the New Republic en passant  
I have come to join your Jeedai hunt, (if you'll let me)  
Warmaster, let me, upgrade you, grade you."

"Come with me! Come to the sacrifice of the Solo twins."  
"Tsavong Lah, let me, upgrade you, upgrade you  
"If you'll let me."

Let me elevate you,  
and let me escalate you (Escalate you)."

"Yesss!"


	21. Liar - Tsaviqi

This is a songfic/parody for Tsavong Lah and Viqi Shesh in "Rebel Dreams" by Aaron Allston, the 11th novel of the series "New Jedi Order", from 2002. The original Song is "Beautiful Liar" by Beyoncé and Shakira from 2006. This is a duet and for this reason I let Viqi Shesh's part straight and Tsavong Lah's part will be in italic letters.

* * *

 **Liar**

Ay

Ay  
Nobody loves me

Ay, Viqi Shesh, Viqi Shesh  
Oh, Tsavong Lah, Tsavong Lah

(hey)

 _You may feel honored,_  
 _that I watch waste disposal_  
 _in my high position._  
But you are in danger  
and you don't even know about.

This fate  
you've chosen for me? (Yes)  
 _Be polite and_  
 _I'll let you chose from three_  
 _honorable ways of quick death_

(No!) I can jump right now  
(Yes) into your pit falling down.  
don't need your nameless nothings at bay  
but you'll be the one to cry.

 _So anxious to make_  
 _amends for your mistake?_

(Ay) I will do it this way  
(if) it is what you require;  
(it) is my obligation  
to serve. But you are a liar!

(Ay) I will not betray you  
in this chamber just You and I  
I know aren't your enemies.  
But please stop being a liar!

 _Lying. An interesting offense._  
 _What a deliberate defense._

 _You think_  
 _nothing worse than death_  
 _could await you_  
 _But I tell you, if that's your belief_  
 _then you are completely_ _wrong_ _._

 _Your body tossed_  
 _into the pit._  
 _Eaten slowly_  
 _by creatures and you cease to be,_  
 _as though you never ever were._

You lied saying you want me dead,  
because my last mission went that bad.  
You spared others still loyal assets.  
But how'd you tolerate what I just found out about?

(Ay) If you kill me now  
(Ay) You may lose the fight  
(Ay) Yes, you want the drama  
But it's your tragedy and you are a liar!

(Oh) Can't we talk about?  
(Yeah) It's worth your time  
(Uuh) Please get your both drones out  
of the room, lest they can spell your doom.

 _Viqi, I am impressed._  
 _You have correctly assessed._  
 _I am killing you because_  
 _you are no longer a resource._

I trust you,  
like you should trust me  
I saw a priest  
whispering to a shaper  
That's the danger you are in.

I know your body  
is defying  
your new arm,  
and you are wondering, on which of  
your gods you did commit a sin?

Soon they'll ask you to take action  
comply your Radank claw will be save.  
but defy and they evoke a rejection  
Warmaster, you're going to be their slave.

(Ay) If you kill me now  
(Ay) You may lose the fight  
(Ay) Yes, you want the drama  
But it's your tragedy and you are a liar!

(Oh) Can't you see at last?  
(Oh) It's high time  
(Oh) Only me you can trust  
So stop being a shabby liar

 _(Ahh) An interesting notion_  
(Uhh) And they exploit your devotion  
 _But what if you are wrong?_  
I'm not wrong, but you'll be shamed.

Because the priests and the shapers  
are the ones to blaaaaaaame (hey)

[Sing Pause]

(Ay), Viqi Shesh, Viqi Shesh  
(Oh), Tsavong Lah, Tsavong Lah  
(Uhh), Viqi Shesh, Viqi Shesh  
(Yeah), Tsavong Lah, Tsavong Lah (hey)

(Ay) Let's take out the traitors  
(Ay) Start a final fight  
(Ay) Yes, it's worth the drama  
Show me you're more than a handsome liar

(Oh) All I want is  
(Oh) an opportunity  
(Oh) Kill me then but first prove I'm right  
I'll be a victress despite your lies.

 _So we will see._  
 _I will give you new duties_  
 _until proof is in my hands..._  
 _or my patience ends._

 _Or my patience ends._

(Yes), I'm always worth it  
(Ay) As long as I have my wits.  
They're already prepping your pyre.  
So cease being a little liar.

(Let's) take out the traitors  
 _(So we will see.)_  
(Ay) Start a final fight  
 _(I will give you new duties)_  
(Ay) Yes, it's worth the drama  
 _(until proof is in my hands...)_  
Show me you're more than a handsome liar.  
 _(or my patience ends.)_


End file.
